Wait…Why Are We Fighting Again?

What Are We Really Doing?

As I write this me and my [beautiful] wife are in an argument or disagreement or wait…what are we really doing? Lol. All I know is that at this moment we’re not necessarily talking which means we’re at odds with one another. I’m writing this entry fairly early in the morning (we have to be to work at 5am smh) so needless to say starting your day off this early “fighting” with your spouse isn’t the best recipe, on top of having to wake up so early, for a good day. But while I was sitting here at work all mad, worked up, and thinking of all the ways I can show my wife how upset I am with her (I only came up with not talking to her…that’ll show her lol), a thought popped in my head. Wait…why am I so mad? Why am I even mad at all? Why are we fighting? I mean I know what happened and what transpired earlier this morning to make me feel this way, but I found myself not really understanding why. So I think the real questions I was asking myself were, was it really that serious? Should this disagreement have went this far? How did something so small and insignificant turn into something so big and drastic with the ability to ruin our morning and maybe even the rest of our day?

Who’s Fault Was It Anyway?
Being human beings we have the bad tendency to blame other people for our problems and life issues. Whether it’s at our job, or at school, or even at church, it’s usually never our fault. Right? We’re just innocent bystanders who have the unfortunate pleasure of having to deal with idiots from day-to-day. Well my friends this thought process or way of thinking is what you would call being ‘too prideful’. Too prideful to admit fault. Too prideful to admit your own mistakes or acknowledge that you were wrong. Too prideful to take ownership of your own poor decisions/actions and find a way to fix it. There’s no better way to find out how much pride you really have than when you get married. Oh you’ll find out very quickly how man buckets of pride you’re carrying over your shoulders. And to all the ladies out there who may be reading this I’ll just say it. As a man we can be the most prideful. We hate admitting when we’re wrong (although 99.9% of the time we are). It eats us alive inside. It’s almost like we’d lose our manhood if we admit to being wrong and apologizing. And I must say, I’m one of the worst people when it comes to this. But you have to realize and understand that pride is a tool the enemy (yes the devil) uses too often to cause friction between married couples. Taking small situations and magnifying them into big problems. You have to understand that the issue is still small but because you’re looking at it through a magnifying glass now, it looks huge. Only when you remove this magnifying glass can you see that this huge, vicious, ferocious beast is only a small ant that can easily be “squashed”. Now am I blaming me and my wife’s entire argument on the devil or giving him all the fault. Of course not! He might have planted the seed but we had to water it. I’ll get to who takes the blame in the next paragraph.

How Do We Get Back To Love?
I think the first key to reconciliation for any relationship is for all parties involved to admit where they were at fault and to own up to their mistakes in the argument. In marriage this is sometimes the most difficult part simply because of that pride issue. Also one person may be more at fault than the other; or it may be entirely one persons fault. Whatever the case is, I do know for a fact that there can be no change if you don’t come together, throw away your pride and admit your own fault in the way the argument was handled. The second key to reconciliation and probably the most important is PRAYER!!! Praying with your spouse, whether you’re in an argument or not, is one of the most important and powerful things you can do. Prayer helps to open your heart and allows you to receive what your spouse is trying to say to you. It helps you listen to understand instead of hearing to defend your point. Prayer can be the difference between a successful discussion that grows your relationship or a discussion that leads into another argument that grows the tension between the both of you. Nothing opens up me and my wife’s heart towards each other and brings us closer together during a disagreement more than praying before we discuss our issue. Which brings me to my third and final key to reconciliation. Discuss the issue! No matter if the initial issue was stupid (in my case it was) or very important, there was still an issue that didn’t get settled. You may need to discuss what you were upset about or discuss why it turned into an argument. Either way, I believe the only way for your marriage to get past something and move on is to effectively discuss it. What I mean by “effectively” is coming to a solution. Coming to an understanding so that there isn’t an argument in the future over the same thing. There may be other arguments (who are we kidding there will be other arguments lol), but at least it won’t be over the same issue. And hopefully it can be handled differently. There may be more ways to settle an argument or you may try a variant of the ones I listed. I just believe these are a few good key methods to use to get you back to love. These are keys I will be using to get my own relationship back to love.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
I’m finding out very quickly that in marriage you can have a falling out over the smallest things. ‘Put the TV on this wall I want to be able to see it from the dinner table’, ‘no I want the TV on this wall it makes the living room look more open’. BOOM!!! [Argument!]. ‘Honey can you take the trash out’, ‘yeah babe I’ll take it out after the game’, ‘can you take it out now it really smells’. BOOM!!! [Argument #2]. Me and my wife’s argument this morning started because, at 3:30am in the morning, I decided to mention to her how our two daughters made such a mess of the living room she had so beautifully cleaned the day before. Now my first problem was not understanding that at 3:30 in the morning my wife could barely focus on standing let alone worry about a dirty living room that in all honesty wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean if anybody should’ve been upset it should’ve been the one who cleaned it (why was I mad?). So now I was upset because she wasn’t upset about it (really Brandon?!?!?) and it just escalated from there. I took something so insignificant and small and turned it into this big issue, which then turned into an actual issue. All because in that moment, at 3:30am, I wanted to press the fact that the living room looked as if a tornado had run through it (An exaggeration of course). What I’m trying to say is don’t sweat the small stuff. Pick your battles. Choose your arguments wisely. Some are worth fighting but most are just stupid. ~ Brandon

Have you ever had one of these moments with your spouse, a friend, family member or just in any relationship? How did you handle it? What are something’s you did to get past it and move on? How would you have handled a similar situation to mine?

3 Comments

  1. I’m glad to say we don’t have many disagreements and when we do they are over small issues like visible tv wires or too much toothpaste on the kids toothbrush. But we never walk away from the other one still mad. We try to throw in a joke not to lessen the seriousness of the other but to learn any tension. Sometimes there is not time to handle things because a kid needs hel or a baby needs a bath, but we always address it before bed so it doesn’t linger.

    • I have trouble with making up before going to sleep sometimes. We don’t stay upset at each other lol nah but sometimes it lingers. Working on finding solutions faster and getting past the little things.

  2. Well so many things u said were so true..there is no perfect marriage…but praying together and doing devotions really helps…..my husband and I really don’t argue that much….b cuz we really do not have the strength to do so……when u get a certain age in life u just don’t sweat it…..we just try to enjoy life together…..

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